Letter Number 6

Dearest Future Boyfriend,

Hey Baby how are you doing?
I blogged alot in the last few hours haven't i? Information Overload. One thing for sure, i just realised the most common pattern in my life. I have always been just good enough to be a friend, best friend, sister, good friend, shoulder to cry on... etc. if i hear it from my girls, its flattering. But not when i hear it said from the people i care about. I thought it happens only in books I've read or the TV shows like seventh heaven or something. But apparently it happens even in real life.

Today your girlfriend went a hell of a roller coaster ride. So well just bear with me ok.

In the last few days everybody from my past has decided to come back. in one way or another. Sometimes i feel like i could not bear to even hear from them anymore. Sometimes i dun even want to care about their existence. Planet asked me "why do you forgive this people?" I dunno darling. I thought i can never forgive them. But i feel life is sometimes a bit too short for me to not forgive them. What if, god decides to place them in heaven and yet because of my hatred and vengeance, i become the barrier to which they could live happily ever after? WE don't even have to mention afterlife. How can i live peacefully knowing i could be there for one more person, or two or three, and yet i choose not to because i am angry?

Anger is after all a constant emotion in me. But it doesn't mean forgiving and accepting isn't. I could be both angry yet patient at the same time right?

I used to think people can never forget me for who i am when they get to know me. I was confident of this because I'm like a nicotine gum. You can chew me and spit me out, but i leave an aftertaste. But truth to be told, even though i like being remembered, being forgotten is more a reality for me. And after some time its OK. I still believe that as human beings, at one point of time, we'll learn enough of life lessons that its more important what you did, more than who saw you did what.

The real judge is the one and only. Why lose faith over petty things?

"You will not remember, but you will never forget.."
From wild things: diamond in the rough.

Sayang, p.o.d said
"Even though you feel all alone
It can't rain everyday
It don't rain forever
Your sunshine may be gone and I know
It can't rain everyday
It don't rain forever"
It means a little something don't you think?

I feel better now.

Thanks for listening today,
Sunshine