Foolish

Hey love.
Wind down time before i get going to finishing up my to do list.
[Having a cuppa milk.]
Today it has expanded to 13 despite completing 6/11 yesterday.
I'm just so tired.

These few days the old hurt came back floating around.
Like sharks circling around a single boat in the middle of the ocean.
And i am on the boat.
I can choose to die three ways:
a) jump and drown and then get eaten.
b) get eaten
c) dont jump and die of starvation and dehydration
So basically if the old hurt is circling around my mind like that,
i can choose to try and react, yet its still hurts anyway.
And i guess thats what i like about life.
It is so weird i feel normal.

I opened up myself to fong finally.
telling her some things i thought i never would.

I'm working on a poetry one night and then i got stuck big time.
like not even the feel of words fly by.
i cant catch a single vibe.
i guess because maybe i'm such an emotional mess deep within.
Dunno.
Maybe it was meant to be three paragraphs?
i dunno.
I seriously thinks it needs an ending.
Perhaps there are reasons why we should never write so specifically about your life.
[because it havent ended yet]which i do all the time.
I dunno.

What i know is that i am very tired. I want to study hard for exams that are coming in a months' time. I want to finish all these boring and draggy and long windered projects ASAP. I want to go for a picnic. I want to have my 14hours power nap[or longer]. I want to have loads more starbucks. I want to eat good food.
And i want to shop for my room.

i love hashima like for eleven years already.

I hate how i've been playing the 'rebound role' with every male species that interests me. omg! i just realised again i havent got out for a single date this year!! my love life is officially over. <---- doesnt sound right. even when i read what i wrote it sounded fucking stupid lor. hahaha.

I'm 9kg overweight.
And i ate putri salad right after i found out.
hello woman, i'm a stressed out and am hitting depression secretly, single and lonely, 18 yr old schooling girl, leader of every group projects..you expect me to skip on my five meals a day to lose weight?
COMFORT FOOD. seriously how come no one believes me?!!

Oh i need to get a movie date. Apply if interested, tall and very single. ok. actually dun apply. registration period expired a long time already.

i'm speaking parseltongue.
forgive me ok.

"Foolish to think i could withstand all the shit you put me through.
U fucking broke me man."