Taking a leap of faith with just... faith.

hello world.
I guess this is it huh.
In about eight hour or so i'll be at the airport with my beloveds.

Yesterday so many things happened to me.
But it let me gauge my growth.
I know for sure that i am no longer the same me i was yesterday
I stopped a fight and managed to get the police to come.
I took responsibility over something that happen that doesnt involve myself.
I stood up to lazy fucks who just shrug off responsibilities.
I spoke my mind and was honest with a guy who lied to me.
I manage to control my anger although i was bloody pissed off.
I gave a liar a chance to make amends.

I dunno why but i can still feel the bitter taste.
I thought i could leave my past behind.
But what can i do when my past catches up with me?

Amy, i give you this last chance. Dun fuck up.
One mistake. Just one and you're out of my life for real.
But i dun regret giving this chance.
In the end, i dont want to keep on losing people that were important to me.

I do however, feel at loss that i could not be there for my nephew's cukur rambut.
For birthdays that i'd miss.
For the reunions i'd be absent for.

The last few days i have to be honest, i have been crying like fuck.
I realise that because i was wrong.
I thought i had nothing to lose.
But in actual fact i had everything i could wish for.

I love everyone of you who has been there for me.
Pray for my safety.
I'll always think of you.

lovelove,
Sunshine

I want my mummy.

Insomnia

So lets countdown 24+12=36
36 hours more and then pooooof!
I'm gone. HAHA.

I havent been able to sleep the last few days.
Its really pushing me to the limits.

I really really adore my nephew.
He is sooooooooooooo cute.

There were times when i am convinced that i have really given up on love and then i heard craig david's insomnia and i feel like i am in love again.

lovelove,
Sunshine

Leap of Faith

hello world.
I dunno how to really feel about leaving.
As the hour draws nearer, i'm going like
"is this for real?"
But it is what it is.
And i'm sure for all of us,
its about taking a leap of faith,
to leave our comfort zone,
to learn something way out of our depth.
I'm actually leaving in a few more hours.
Oh my god!

Today went out with a few of the K707.
It was simple but fun.
We have all finally reached year 3 together.
It was nice to just observe the close-ness of the class.
We laughed and chitchat and despite our many personalities,
i felt that we have a nice relationship going on.
I hope they are going to miss us!!
HAHA. Because i'm gonna miss every single one of them.

I'm k.o-ing now.
Good night my loves.

Lovelove,
Sunshine

one of the most complex things about relationships with other human beings is that we cannot be judgemental. With globalization and the acceptance of almost anything everything, it has become difficult i think, to define and draw the moral line. We apply this same concept in our everyday lives, at least for those of us who do, things go smoothly for people surrounding us. We see less friends hurt, less family hurt. And although we do feel the pinch sometimes, accepting things we actually cannot accept, we feel great that we just do, knowing that at least we give other people a chance to be different and good.

I was so close to being in love many times, but when i understood the difference in our lifestyle, philosophies, beliefs and everything else, i learnt to accept and be realistic.

It just wont work.

YOu know what? I actually feel ok.

Sanguine

This is the word that best describes you! The dictionary meaning of the adjective sanguine' is cheerfully optimistic! You are usually happy and manage to turn most negative situations into positive ones. Your happy-go-lucky, impulsive and adventurous personality makes you fun to be around although some people mistake your self-confidence for arrogance. Your sanguine disposition will help your life be a happy one; just be wary of dreaming about castles in the sky and forgetting to focus on reality.

Ugly world

Hello world.

It seems as if as the day comes closer to leaving i am not sure its what i really want. It feels as if i should have just saved the thousands and go for a getaway or something. I feel out of place and nothing anyone says can make me feel better. Not that anyone said anything to me. Could it be that i made the decision too early without realising what i've placed myself into?

I will stick to it anyway. Not much of a choice.

It used to be that i do not know what to do. But i'm pretty sure right now i know what i want to do. I know what i didnt like, and i am going to change that.

I realised one more thing today. Not only did i hate secondary school, i also hated ELDDS. I hated most of my teachers. I hate all student organisations. They all represent the same thing. BS. Fucking pretense. I dont know why i was so dumb as to succumb to the four years of shitty-environment. I should have been vocal and piss everyone that i could.

I realised that i hate surprises. I love them because of the intentions. But i hate the surprise itself.

I really like being by myself. I actually do. SOmetimes it gets depressing. But atleast i do not need people around me to be comfortable. People always say things about me like i'm anti-social. I'm not. I just hate mixing around with typical-typicals and i feel better when there's less crowd. I dont happen to fit in with the "norms" because i'm like that. Then so what? You call me "weird" and "loner" and "crazy" only because i don't do the same things you do. But in actual fact i make more sense than you do. You just dont pay attention.

I hate the fact that the world gets uglier every second.

I hate people who don't care about the right things. I hate people who are morally handicapped, not because of their upbringing but out of choice.

I hate not having much choices.

I'm going out!

Yayay!
Finally i am going out of this house for some ME-Time.
Its only a few more days yet i feel like as if i am not leaving
this country.
I haven even started packing or shopping.
Its been really trying and tiring the last few days.
But today i'm going to do all the deeds.
I already did my things to buy list like a ten-fifteen days ago.
hahaha.

I gotta go get ready.
HAve a good day everyone.

And thanks farlina for being there for me.

Love,
Sunshine

Awwwwweeesommmmmmeeeeee!

AWESOME!

i am

AWESOME!

hahaha.
yayay!

first distinction.
i'm kissing my ass as of today.

it has been confirmed..
I'm
AWESOME!

And because i am happy and delighted,
i shall share with you the cutest thing i've ever laid eyes on,
my lucky charm,
our little kitten:

The POST-era

okay people,vote: happy post or angry post?
HAppy post?
Ok well lemmmessee.
The baby is such a bundle of joy.
And its not just because books that i read describe babies as such,
but because i like to see the baby bundled tight and being carried by
one of my family members.
Especially my daddy.
So naturally calming, the effect works on the baby as well!!
These few days have also been a really hardcore family moment.
There are times when i go "stop bossing me around bitches!"
haha. But its all good.

I also took my immunization jabs.
I swear the last time i went for a jab, it was A JAB.
This time three separate needles.
And for someone who hates being touched, even by the skinniest of needles,
i was really a happy person.
My sister was like "alah, kau ingat tak that time kan they combine the vaccines into one syringe. No sweat lah. We go for all three k."
Yah right.
So that was the joke of the day.
But it made me laugh every time i remember being injected.
1,2,3 breathe in breathe out.
1,2,3 breathe in breathe out.
1,2,3 breathe in breathe out.
DAMN.

ok the next thing i'm gonna say is both a happy and sad thing.
I finished watching all the action movies and all the books i wanted to read.
I'm left with -nil- items to do.
On my very little free time that is.
With the taking charge of cleaning and serving,
i feel like the runner in a restaurant by the way,
i've only got time for trivial entertainment.
And oh god, no music please.

I got to go now.
toodles.
sunshine

bring me to bora bora or maldives now.
my life mcm shit seh right now.
pressure pressure pressure.
Not fair not fair.

Rockn Rolla

Rock-a-by-baby.
Well yes the baby is now at home finally.
Asleep.
A cute little thing.
i Want to post up pictures but then i think "too young for exposure."
Life has been crazy.
Haven;t had any fun yet since the holidays because
everything just happens at one shot.
I did get to meet up with a few people though.
Farlina and my socio mates.
Yesterday i met botak and cloudy and we had a good time talking.
Like old friends, we are all doing our own things,
planning for future meet-ups.
I think the holiday blues applies to planet too.
She and i are just squeezing every second to enjoy our hols.
Too bad hers would end on monday.
Not that mine is any better.
I'm going to drag my father for shopping asap.
Not fair.
I'm still the baby of the club ok.
I cant wait to pack.
Did i tell you my nephew is cute?
SUPER CUTE!
Still it doesnt change the situation much.
He's the only exception to the No-BABY rule.

oh and how can i forget,
yesterday another baby turned 19!
Happy Birthday Sabrina!

love,
Sunshine

The will the will...

There is no such things as balancing relationships.
So fuck relationships.
Its so full of shit and lies.
"No, i wont take you for granted"
is the same as
"I'm a straightforward guy"
so let me tell you it hurts that you're not around anymore.
And no matter what you say you really wont be.
I dun like to be a third wheel and i dun like
a third wheel anywhere around me.
So its either you and me or nothing.
I'm so tired of this shit.

So funny how life works.
try to deal and be cool with this people
hhmmmm.. but nothing really helps.
----------------------------

A few more hours and its a celebration of a lifetime awaiting.
I hope.
We're waiting with love.

Love,
Sunshine