i have splurged more than hundred dollars on books and I'm only half guilty about it.
i regret the loss and celebrate the gain.
pretty much the same way towards my life.
I'm pretty sure after "all THAT" my life's keeping pace and getting straighter.
i want to one day say that my life is now so straight i know its not gay.
or something like that.
what my life is, however, I not necessarily am.
I've been putting on more pounds in a minute than i did during the last great depression. [my darling husband sweetly reminded me of this. hehe.]
i haven't been exercising. [this i blame planet for being absent.]
i have been late alot of times. [i just dun want to wake up, i just dun want to be in school]
but I'm positive that I'm getting better at life, at living.
in a very weird way.
I'm doing my work. i have started to boss people around. [OK maybe this is not work for other people. but bossing around IS my job. nicer term, leading people] i did research for my schoolwork and try to prepare as much as possible for my ppt and such. i have cleaned my bed at the very least. i have started to read again. [its been two months! yeah i know. i just lost it for a moment...]
it starts somewhere.
a great start starts somewhere.
and i am hoping it starts with me.
it started with the fight i had with my most impt girl planet.
it pushed me so far the edge that night i could no longer balance and i decided to take that jump.
i always loved the thrill.
i have decided that what counts now is my own rule.
i'm not going to live a good life just so my nephew or sisters or whoever the fuck would look up to me.
because in the end, the truth is no one really fucking does.
i'm not sour about it, just realistic.
and i have decided that i shall do whatever i want whenever i want.
BUT i'm gonna set my principles and not mess it up.
and its still sticks to
"no drugs, no smoking, no sex, no looking down on someone."
because i have been arrogant.
arrogant.
arrogant.
i'm sick of myself.
that was then and probably.. still is right now.
but i'm giving myself space to grow.

just because i'm naturally evil,
YOU LOUSY FUCKFACE. WISH I DIDN'T MEET YOU!!

love.