27th Day of Ramadhan

i know i should be thankful for everything.
but sometimes it gets suffocating.
i feel like my privacy has been breached.
and that i'm being controlled way too much.
its one thing to help and another to be expected to help.
its my holidays, why cant i sleep till way late?
its still only eight hours if you ask me.
just that my clock moves a bit differently than others.
and its not communication if you're screaming at me.
i used to remember how i fear her.
i think i still do sometimes.
i dunno.
its crazy you know.
i try my best not to scream back or fight or quarrel.
because i dun want to start another war.
its enough already.
plus the fact that raya is coming.
let it be festive.
Shimi said maybe its not that i cant but i dun want to.
i did think so too because planet mentioned the same thing.
but its not true.
i just cant.
because i know there's so many things i wanna do.
that i dun.
what i dun want is to cause the wrath of a woman or disappointment.
but its just not fair sometimes how other people get
the freedom like that from their parents and still not appreciate it.
i know i should just go ahead with my other ideas like the other people who's going through this, just go do my thing and not worry too much.
but i know my life is short and i dun want to enjoy and do things now and regret later.
you wouldn't know what you have till its gone.
well its ok.
i still love her everyday.
and i treasure her.
so i'll let it be because i think she's worth it.
atleast till i cannot take it.

that aside,
syawal is coming real soon.
i'm excited.

love
Sunshine